Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Being a positive Father

Being a positive Father

“I believe that, what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.”
                                                                              -Umberto Eco, Foucault’s Pendulum

   Whenever I ask a father, how it feels to be a dad, most of them become nostalgic, their faces become gentle, smile deepens and their eyes tell it all. When the same question is put to a child, but in somewhat different way- ‘How do you feel about your dad’; the answers are varied. The answers mainly depend upon the types of fathers they are growing up with. For some a Dad is a fun loving person who spends time with them, plays with them, teaches them, praises them…… For others he is a person who gets money to the house but hardly has the time to be with the people he is earning money for. For some he could be indulgent ,who easily gives in to their wishes, for others he could be someone who mostly likes to dictate his own terms and there are some who hardly know their dad as he had left them when they were young or it could be that their mom left him…… the answers are endless.
 Fathers who bond with their children have a positive influence on their overall development. There are studies that reveal that children whose fathers are involved in care giving are better adjusted and are less likely to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioural problems. It has been found that fathers who are more involved in infant care giving have infants with greater cognitive development than fathers who are less involved. As a parent, providing the best care for our children is our desire and the basic need for our child. Doing this is simple.  

  Be a Father who Communicates effectively: Good communication is essential for good relationships. A relationship is considered good if the people involved are able to convey their feelings and thoughts without any fear of being judged. For effective communication with your children, learn to listen carefully without overreacting. Children start hiding their inner feelings if they feel that you overreact. Liston to them calmly, this will encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, this would strengthen your bond as a father and you will have the privilege to be a part of the inner world of your children.   
 Be a Nurturing Father: To nurture means to promote healthy development of the child and includes physical, social and emotional aspects. Fathers play a critical role in providing loving care. The concept of nurturing is mainly associated with mother-child relationship. But as a father you too can nurture and that too in your own special way. The style is generally different from the polite caring bestowed by a mother. Fathers mostly engage in physically stimulating and exciting activities that induce emotional touch. This helps in promoting assertiveness in the child. Spending time together, playing games together or a simple tossing and tumbling time together can help you bond better. The earlier you start, the better the bond is. Taking over a few responsibilities of child care from your partner will also show her that you care for her.
 Be a Fun loving Father : Tickle them, hug them, rock them, cuddle them, do chores together, applaud openly for their achievements ………… let them feel your physical presence. Help them overcome their inhibitions. Encourage laughter around you. You have all the right to invade their physical space. This has a lot of advantages. They will get used to talking and sharing their everyday life with you. I can assure from personal experience that the habit stays when children grow up and are busy with their lives; they still want to share their experiences with you.
 Be an involved Father: The earlier you start the better. Conception is an indication that life is about to change. Your decision to have the baby indicates you are willing for the change. Be there for your partner. A lot is happening with her. She is changing- physically, mentally and socially .Instead of being a silent observer be an active participant. You will cherish these moments later in life. Be there for those doctor’s visits, birthdays, PTA’s….  The time spent with your children will help you to understand them better.  Keep growing with them, emotionally.  Being an involved father gives you the power to subtly mould their life towards a positive attitude. You will unknowingly equip them to be stronger individuals; who feel strong because they have the assurance that they are cared, loved and needed.
Be a benevolent and just Father: We all like to discipline children. This is nice but be clear about what you expect from your children. Set rules for children but also give clear guidelines as to what is expected from them. Endorse the limits set by your partner for your children. Children should always get the message that both of you are together as a couple and they need to respect both. However do not go overboard with discipline. Children should never feel bullied by their parent. Remember to be a benevolent and just father. In case of siblings, take care not to pacify one at the cost of other child.
 God has given you a very precious gift ‘your child’. With this Gift he has given you the responsibility of being a father and a chance to shape the life of another human being.  Sit back and think. What kind of father are you? Are you the one who is actively and positively involved in the lives of his children? Are you someone who spends time with his children, is there beside them to help them while they learn to catch up on life or are you the one who is too busy in his own work, hardly knows the grades they are in or who their friends are? It’s you, who knows the answer to the above questions. However I am sure of one thing that you as a father love your children and want them to be happy in life. Being a father is a very beautiful responsibility in the world. It teaches us to be loving, humble, generous, giving, strong … all at the same time. Nothing else can match up to this!!
Keep Nurturing and Be Positive
Be positive with life was created by Dr.Moninder Kaur with a desire to share her articles related to Ayurveda,Parenting skills,Health & Wellness. It was born to inspire people to have a positive attitude towards life thus articles that inspire towards positivity were also incorporated.
The writer believes in Creating Happy Homes..... Holistically. BEPOSITIVEWITHLIFE  is about learning to love yourself , your relations and your life .....BE POSITIVE and rest will follow.

                                                                                        © 2013 Dr.Moninder Kaur